half heartedly
by the inversed butterfly
Summary: Jade tries her hardest not to turn around and meet the dark eyes of what could have been — BeckJade


**a/n:** i don't know why I'm so attached to this type of POV, but hopefully, I did alright.

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><p><em>You<em> are the most popular guy at school. Dubbed the 'hottest' guy attending Hollywood Arts and _you _are quite happy about this, aren't you? You play the cool, laid-back, persona that causes every girl around you to swoon. But, of course! It's not on purpose. That's just who you are. Right?

And_ you_ are standing here, wondering what had caused you to fall in love with the wretched woman who is by your side.

"—_Beck_. I'm warning you," Your girlfriend, Jade, _(pretty, ugly, sexy)_ gritts out between her teeth. She is attempting to hold her anger in and you know very well that it's difficult for her to do so.

You roll your eyes and say, "She's nothing. She was just asking about an assignment," She was always so easily jealous and though sometimes you take amusement into this, it gets a little annoying after a long time. Can't she trust you?

A girl named, Charlotte, had come up to you earlier and asked you about a certain assignment that was given to you guys yesterday. You didn't even know she was _in _your class.

And then comes not-so-chipper Jade with her combat boots and her colorful hair, stomping angrily towards you, with coffee in her right hand and there goes the cue for Charlotte to leave.

"Can you be even more naive? She was _clearly_ trying to flirt with you!," She shouts, turning to you full-on. You sigh and lean against the lockers. Doesn't she ever get tired of this?

"Jade, even if she was, I wouldn't notice anyway. The only girl I notice here is _you_," You try to assure her. She stands there, still angry, but her eyes have lost it's flame. She _hmphs_ and turns away from you, taking a sip of her coffee.

You stare at her until she turns back to you and mutters, "Whatever," half-heartedly. When she spins around to leave, she stops and holds her hand out.

Behind her, you smile and envelop your hands in hers and you two are off to your next class.

...

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...

_"You're such a loser,  
><em>_Beck,"_

_"But I'm _your_ loser_,"

...

...

...

_Jade West_. You've always loved her name _(—and her)_. It was so... Hollywood like. You could easily see that name up on billboards and movie posters and announced in award shows. You knew that Jade was destined for greatness.

She was the Ice Queen of Hollywood Arts. Capricious and cold. To herself and only herself. She was hard to break, hard to get close to, but you've managed to crack her shell and finally see the real her.

And you think it's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen.

...

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...

You never understood why Jade was so paranoid of him having social interaction with the female species. Especially with Tori.

It was clear that you didn't think of Tori _in that way_. (_but sometimes you think that maybe it might be easier and—)_ But she doesn't listen. And it's frustrating for you, right?

"—Calm down," You sigh, running your hand through your hair. "_Calm down?_ You expect me to _'calm down'_ in a time like this!," She yells.

"Tori was just helping me," You say. She looks even more angrier than before. "Was I not on your list of 'People to call over in times of assistance'?," She stomps her foot.

You pretty much know how this is going to end.

...

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...

There are times when you two are alone in your RV and it's absolutely beautiful. You two are quiet, just staring at the ceiling, thinking two seperate thoughts.

But during this all you're thinking about is _Jade, Jade, Jade_ and her face is just swirling in your mind and there's that longing for her, even if she's already next to you. You're usually the one who initiates the conversation.

"This is nice," You murmur. She turns her head slightly towards you, still staring at the cieling. "This. Us. Like this," You continue, turning your body so you are facing her, now looking at her pale face.

She smiles a little bit, _fleeting but you caught it and you're proud of yourself_. "Yeah," She says. And the next thing you know her lips are on yours.

...

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You remember the very first day you met Jade perfectly. It's a memory that lingers on your mind everyday and everything reminds you of it.

She is on the swingset at the Neighborhood Park and she is alone. She isn't swinging, much more like she is just sitting there, her feet dragging in the sand. Her tiny hands gripping the chains tightly.

You go up to her, hoping you two could be friends.

"Hey," You say, pushing your bangs out of your face. She looks up and you're amazed.

She is petite and looks much like a porcelain doll. Her pale face and her red lips along with her striking blue eyes. Her hair is brown slightly-wavy, caressing her face lightly.

She narrows her eyes at you and mutters, "What are you doing here?," You smile lightly and reply, "Talking to you," She deadpans at you and then ignores you. There is this look that flashes upon her face for a split-second. One you've recognized as arrogance.

You purse your lips and get on the swing next to hers. She looks at you again and says, "Go away," in a firm voice, loud and clear. You pretend you didn't hear and swing as hard as you can into the air. You breathe out a laugh and look behind yourself, down at her. She is staring, with her brows furrowed.

"Betcha can't get higher than me!," You laugh, your grin reaching your eyes. You kick her legs into the air and you hear a frustrated sound below you.

She looks perplexed and as if she was battling with herself. Determination then shines through her eyes and she kicks harder than him, swinging higher than him, with a accomplished smirk on her face.

He stops and stares at her, then smiles afterward.

"I'm Beck!," you say, holding out your hand. She doesn't shake it. All she does is get up and dust off her tiny summer dress, _(black and lacey)_. She turns around and walks away, but right before you are out of earshot, you hear a faint, "Jade," and she is gone.

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The next time you see her is in Middle School. You barely remember her and she definitely doesn't remember you, so rationally you don't acknowledge each other. It was then when you've become partners for a project is when you remember.

You remember the porcelain face _(only not so innocent as before, as this face has been caked on with loads of make-up and things she didn't need)_ and the blue eyes _(the pretty blue eyes)_. And the name that reminds you of loneliness and solitude, _Jade_.

It takes her a while to remember you and when she does, her eyes widen by a fraction.

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_"You're the moron  
><em>_from the park,"_

_"...yeah?"_

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Your first time is with her and you don't have any words to describe it other than _perfect_. Well, not necessarily perfect, but it was perfect enough for the both of you. It was inexperienced and you fumbled with the condom and she was unsure and _you_ were unsure.

But it was over before you knew it and then it was just you two, laying together, your arm around her still form, and her breath fanning your neck.

And then it was quiet.

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People may have predicted this already, but since then, sex has been something you two have been doing often. It's something, for lack of better word, you enjoy doing. Something she enjoys doing. You two aren't promiscuous and do it every single place you find.

Usually it'd be in the RV or if not, when her dad's away _(everyday)_, her house. Never, ever, would she subject to making love on a dirty floor or a janitor's closet.

She was always a perfectionist.

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"—I love you," She breathes out in a moan. You are above her, moving slowy, pacing together, as you enter her. She is clawing at your back and it's sweaty and dark, but her face glows and it's _so_ pretty—

"I love you too," You hear yourself say. She buries her face in your chest and you could almost feel the small smile forming on her lips.

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You're going to be an actor, right? And Jade will be famous. She will be a singer and an actor and she will be good at it, as always. (_perfectionism)_

Sometimes you are left thinking about the future and what might happen to you two. What you guys will end up as. She doesn't like living in the future and she barely talks about it, so you don't either. And you just apprieciate the time you have together, while you still have it.

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_"I'll love you forever,"_

_"Bullshit,"_

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Sometimes you are fed up with Jade. Sometimes you agree with the people around you, saying that she didn't deserve you. And that you should just break-up with her because she isn't good for you.

But then you take it back and think that they're absolutely wrong. _You_ are the one who does not deserve her. Because she is everything that defines brilliance and you are everything that describes nothing.

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You could already feel the cracks in the relationship forming.

_(—I love you!)_

_(good)_

_..._

_..._

_..._

_"Wanna go to the  
><em>_movies tonight?"_

_"Not really"_

_"Why not"_

_"I don't feel like  
><em>_hanging out tonight. Maybe next time"_

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Your ending wasn't quite as what you'd think it'd be. It was cliche, you suppose. High-school relationships were never meant to last. You two have graduated a long time now and she is already set up to film three movies.

You're still struggling with your career and you're just a small-time actor in low-budget movies, but you think that it's okay and that that's how everybody starts out.

You stare out your window and wonder what she's thinking about right now.

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_Maybe she's happy_, you think, sourly. She clearly looks ecstatic in the tabloids. You throw the magazine across the room, while, breathing out the smoke from your cigarette.

She is happy and you think you're okay with that.

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You go to the premier of her first award-winning film and stand on the sidelines, staring at her beautiful form. She walks on the red-carpet, in a long white dress that signified everything she wasn't. She is smiling and there isn't anymore make-up on her face and you wonder _who is that and where is Jade_.

She is waving at the screaming fans and smiling at the paparazzi.

You stare at her back, pointedly, practically screaming at her in your mind. You watch as she meets with someone at the end of the carpet, smiling brightly, and jumping into his arms into a kiss.

You weren't fazed. You didn't cringe or flinch. You think that you were expecting this for sometime now. She is with someone else and she's smiling. She's different, she's changed. (—_for the best?_)

You stare at the couple and then walk away, leaving the memories behind.

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Jade tries her hardest not to turn  
>around and meet the dark eyes of<br>what could have been. So she walks and  
>plays the part of the happy celebrity,<br>reminding herself that this was life  
>and that she just had to accept it.<p>

_(—you were destined for greatness,_

_not me—)_


End file.
